After reading one of my new favorite blogs RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND about her kid's perception of the top ten responses to the question "What's Rule #1?", I posed a version to the kids at dinner last night.

MasterDebator said instantly "No singing at the dinner table." Hmmm. Must be because I had just told her to stop humming under her breath while we were trying to eat. Lesson learned.

SharkGirl said, "Don't leave toys in the living room." While I'm glad that one stuck - I need a single room in the entire house that doesn't have small plastic pieces and bright pink fabric as accessories - it is curious that *that* particular rule stuck since she hasn't left anything in there for at least 12 hours.

Then SharkGirl said, "No fighting." True dat. I REALLY don't like listening to fighting. It wears me out.

Then we ran out of rules. Interesting. I would have thought all the ranting I had done in the last 3 years (ok - so maybe it was more than 3 years - but I'm sticking with that number) about flushing after using the toilet, wiping the seat off if you sprinkle when you tinkle, putting your clothes directly into the hamper instead of on the floor, not eating a complete meal WHILE I'm making dinner, and no interrupting would have stuck a little better.

Apparently I need to up the rant factor. I'll get on that.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Been thinking about this for awhile. I feel like a lot of my life can be summarized using this technique...the good, the bad, the ugly. For instance:

1. The good - I live in a small town, the bad - there are only 5000 people in the entire town, the ugly - they ALL know what everyone is doing
2. The good - I know how to play flute, the bad - my flute is under my dresser, the ugly - I haven't played more than 30 minutes in the last 10 years
3. The good - I've got two wonderful girls, the bad - they are eight and ten, the ugly - the ten year old has started middle school.
4. The good - I started doing triathlon, the bad - I train between 10-12 hours a week, the ugly - I'm not very fast
5. The good - I have 2 girls, the bad - I have been pregnant 9 times, the ugly - I have lost 7 children.
6. The good - I have a fabulous sister, the bad - she lives almost 800 miles away, the ugly - her life is so complicated, I don't get to see her much.
7. The good - I have a job where I can work from home, the bad - I spend most of my day staring at a computer screen, the ugly - my boss is a bully.
8. The good - my parents have been married for almost 50 years, the bad - my mom's eyesight is failing due to complications from diabetes and she really shouldn't drive, the ugly - they shouldn't live in the same house because they are pretty mean to each other.
   

Thankful Monday

Starting a new habit - every Monday I will post 5 things I am grateful for:

• I have a job that allows me to work from home
• I have a house that is big enough for my family
• I purchased my first triathlon bike over the weekend (and now I can't wait for it to get here!)
• My father is recovering well from his surgery a week ago
• I have a truly amazing and wonderful husband who encourages me in all I do
  

Imprecise wanderings

After a bit of self questioning, I realized a couple of things:

1. When trying to describe my ideal job, I get all hand wavy. I've got nothing specific to say and as a result, all of my job searches are at a high level. I may have experience that "they" are looking for, I may not. I may think I have the experience, but have communicated it in such a broad fashion in my resume that anyone trying to evaluate my potential fit will walk away shaking their head. I need to really clearly define what I want to do and then figure out what job matches that. If my experience doesn't match that, then I need to go about getting the experience I need.
2. I need to find a way to be happy in my current position. Because if my previous (see above) waffiliness about my interests and capabilities, finding a job is going to be difficult at best. I may need to use this current position to get me the experience I need to move to the job that I want.

So, once I finish the things I have on my list for today - I'm going to try to start defining what I really want instead of this vague amorphous idea.

That General Sense of Ennui

en·nui

–noun

a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom: The endless lecture produced an unbearable ennui.

Lack of interest I tell you...that's what it is! It may have something to do with the weather (I mean really - snow on April 1st?) and the fact that I'm seriously jonesing for some nice spring weather. It may have something to do with the fact that I just finished my last scheduled race until Memorial Day. It may have something to do with the fact that I'm currently looking for another job (which kind of implies that I'm not terribly happy in my current job). It may have something to do with the fact that I feel like I spend my days (and nights) watching screens.

Be it a computer monitor, television screen, or phone....I've got my eyes locked on. I typically spend at least 8 hours staring at a computer monitor and another 1-2 hours staring at a television screen. Sure, I can look up out the window and see the great outdoors. Sure, I can take the hound for a walk (or walk + chuckie for ultimate fulfillment) and be in the outdoors...but truth be told, most of my time is spent alone staring at a screen.

I just feel like I'm currently going through the motions waiting for time to pass until things are different. Until it is spring (not just the wacky New England version of spring which includes 38 degree days with a possibility of snow). Until I start my Half Ironman training plan (at the end of April). Until I find a job that makes me feel competent and valued.

Great Bay Half Marathon - or how I spent my Sunday

Great Bay Half Marathon Race

Drove down on Saturday with a good friend. We headed over to check in, got my number and the t-shirt and then headed to the hotel in Portsmouth. We met Sally's twin sister at the Portsmouth Brewery for dinner. I got to have smoked tofu with veggies and rice noodles - perfect pre-race dinner for me. Back to the hotel and in bed by 10p.

I didn't set the alarm because the race didn't start until 11a. I figured we would wake up when we woke up and get out the door when we did. We went downstairs and had the breakfast buffet (a scoop of scrambled eggs, juice, some fruit and a tiny danish). I grabbed a bagel to eat about an hour before the race start. Packed up the room and headed over to Newmarket around 9:45. Sally dropped me off at the Elementary School (about .25 miles from the start line where all the port-a-potties were) and went to park the car.

It was a beautiful clear day but pretty windy. I went to the side of the school out of the wind, but still in the sun. I was wearing a tank top for running, and a throwaway sweatshirt to keep me warm at the beginning - really helped.

About 10:45 we all started to move to the start line. Everyone kind of huddled around trying to stay out of the wind. The start was for both a 5K as well as the half...with about 1500 of the runners doing the 5K and 1200 doing the half. Sally came back to the start after parking the car and gave me a last minute hug. I think she was more nervous than me.

The run started off pretty well. It was very crowded at the beginning - seriously, I live in a town of 5000 people, to see 3000 at a race start is almost overwhelming! I was following the "run 9:30, walk :30" plan. For the first three miles, right as the :30 walk was done, I would hit the mileage sign. That was the pace I wanted for the first half of the race.

After the fourth mile, I ate a gel and started hoping for an aide station for water. Around the 5mile mark, I started getting ready for the :30 wal...but saw the photographer and didn't want a picture of me walking, so I ran through and walked a little later. I noticed around the 6 mile mark I was getting slower but really didn't have a lot more to give. I tried to push it on the downhills - but it was a rolling course, so not a lot of downhills. I also tried to have my gels when I knew I could get water, but the timing was not how I would have liked it - I think I'm going to have to carry my own water to make sure I can stick to *my* timing, not the availability of the water on the course based on my pace.

Also about 6 miles in, the chafing started on my left underarm (my usual place. I forgot to pack Aquaphor and paid the price). By the end of the race, I couldn't put my arm down (and had a hard time sleeping that night due to the tenderness).

It was really windy - a couple of times, I had to hold my hat down so it wouldn't blow off. Part of the route is right on the water - and the wind was REALLY whipping up off the water.

Around mile 8, there were three significant hills up - lots of people walking. I tried really hard to stick with the 9:30 run/:30 walk. It is interesting to me how much easier it is to walk when others are walking around you.

After mile 10, you do a quick out and back in a subdivision which was the only time we got to see other runners - which I liked. Final push into town, up a steep hill for the final .25 down to the finish.

By mile 12, I was really hurting and knew my pace was really much slower. For the last mile or so, I kept thinking about how I have run this distance quite a few times and running it at home, I don't have a problem. It is hard and I am tired by the end, but I keep going and don't suffer to badly for the rest of the day. For the last two races, I have suffered at the end and really been uncomfortable the rest of the day and into the next. My pace doesn't seem drastically different. Is it the adrenaline? The stress/anxiety of the race?

Once I got to the top of the last hill, I just tried to put on the gas as much as I could and ran to the finish (they could see my number, so I got announced...first time that's happened!). Sally, her sister and her sister's daughter were there cheering. It was really nice. I stopped running about 10 feet over the finish line, walked back to Sally, drank a water and started to hurt almost immediately.

What would you do differently?:

Aquaphor on my underarms, carry my own hydration, get the HR strap working on the Garmin

Post race

Warm down:

Just chatting, throwing away my gel wrappers and water bottle. We walked about .25 miles up a small hill to the car while cheering on the few folks coming in after me.

What limited your ability to perform faster:

Wind, hills, chafing and the proverbial limiter - genetics.

Event comments:

Nicely done race - plenty of aide stations, lots of volunteers, very well marked, no complaints...except for the wind.

The Four Agreements

Several years ago, I read a book that really resonated with me called The Four Agreements. They are:

• Be impeccable with your word
• Don't take anything personally
• Don't make assumptions
• Always do your best

The middle two didn't sing to me as much as the first and last - probably because I am terrible at taking things personally and making assumptions right and left (I know - never assume....it makes an ass out of u and me). Shortly after I read the Four Agreements, I read The Soul of a Chef by Michael Rhulman which expounded on the idea of doing things to the best of your ability.

The main idea behind this is no matter what you do - brushing your teeth, taking the dog for a walk, making breakfast, a particular project for work, creating a quilt - you should do it as best as you can and to do it any less than your best is simply a waste of time.

It is REALLY easy to just do the minimum amount necessary, but the theory goes if you do your best, it will be more satisfying and bring greater rewards. I really like this.

Where I get into conflict with this is my endurance training. I am trying to do my best, and I am doing the best this 45 year old body will allow, but my best is certainly no where close to the best in my age group (or even the best in several age groups above me). Does this make my training any less valid? I don't think so - I'm still trying to do this for my own personal enjoyment - and I should be satisfied seeing the improvements I have made from year to year and race to race. But it would be nice to be more middle of the pack than so solidly back of the pack.